2017 So Far...

Its almost been a full month into the new year.

I'm finding most nights I'm staying up really really late, I go to bed at around 5 or 6AM. It really doesn't help when I have shifts at work that start at 6AM lol but I manage.

Its not that I'm preoccupied with a lot of thoughts, I'm not even thinking about Steve anymore so I'm going to rule that out, I haven't even talked to him in a long time.

Although, I've been thinking about someone else that I work with a lot lately lol. I see his name EVERYWHERE and I didn't know that it was such a common name.. even various variations of that name and yes I have a major crush on this guy LOL, the thing is I barely see him at work and rarely get to talk to him since its been so busy. Everyone keeps telling me to ask him out but I'm SO SHY! -___-' plus I don't even know if he's single or not so until I know I'm not going to do anything about it.

My best friend seems to think I'm going to end up with him, only because he does tarot cards and has said that he's popped up in my readings a lot recently, and I don't even know what to make of what he said anyway so I'll just let it all play out and see but I am keeping my options open.

But! I hope he's right! This guy is like the TOTAL OPPOSITE of Steve. He's so nice! and not cocky at all (at least not right off the bat like Steve was) their personalities are very different, I think he suits being a nurse very well, a great bedside manner and can be tough with patients who are problematic, which is why I was attracted to him while I was still dating Steve (Steve on the other hand would just treat people like he was more superior than him, which he still does)

Some of my friends have been telling me to try online dating. But I know its not for me, honestly, a majority of my friends have dated someone online and it never ends well, mainly because the guy they've been seeing is SUPER FUCKED UP in some way or my friends would go crazy and end up treating them like shit.... plus I'm not one to talk to some stranger over the internet and then meet them, I've got paranoia about that...

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We have a new girl at work that NOBODY LIKES. She's brand new and just came out of school but she's worked in a different department in the hospital for a number of years so she has racked up quite the seniority and people are worried that she'll get a full time position ahead of some people who have been working in the lab for a number of years.

She's not that bad, I mean, I'm sure I was just as bad when I first started BUT there's a difference between the two of us. When mistakes are made, she doesn't learn from them, not only that, she has a terrible bedside manner, so a lot of people get nervous when she has to poke them... we've also had numerous complaints from patients... I doubt she'll get fired, I highly highly doubt it. Maybe she'll get better? But its been a while and she hasn't gotten much better...

I also screwed up my back recently, no idea how that happened but I almost had a week and a half off of work to nurse it back to work.

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I have two long vacations coming up this year, one in April and one in December. Depending on school in December I really would like to go to Asia or something.

I've been itching to go somewhere for a while but the problem is I want someone to go with! Ashley is busy with working and school and most of my friends are broke and I've got no boyfriend to go with lol! I'll think about where I want to go in April.... if anywhere...

So far this year... is confusing LOL

Will update again at the end of next month!

Goodbye 2016

Everybody has been saying that 2016 has been a super shitty year.

For me, I would agree lol.

The beginning of 2016 was fine, I went to Hawaii again in February, moved out of the house away from my crazy parents, bought a car. Then Steve and I broke up in May after being in a relationship for nearly 6 years, lost basically most of our mutual friends (more about this later), got my drivers license lol after buying the car, moved back home, I got a permanent part time position at the hospital so no more random shifts as a casual, grew closer to some friends that I never expected to have and I supposedly have a random crush at work lol!

There's probably more in there somewhere but I just don't remember at this point lol.

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True Friends:

After the break up with Steve, there were some friends who I knew I would stop talking to, the question was: When?

The one that hurt me the most was Steve's friend whom he's known since high school, I actually went to his brothers wedding and was kind of close with his mom, whom is really sweet, anyway... Over the 5 years I knew this guy I was closer to him as a friend than Steve was (ironically his name is also Steve, we called him Steve 2), I helped him move (more than like 3 times!), gave him relationship advice, supported him when he was looking for work, we went out to eat numerous times just Steve 2 and I and we even shopping together when no one else would go with him. When Steve and I would fight before the official breakup he would always tell me things like "I'll never choose a side" "You'll always be my friend" but that was a big fat freakin lie lol.

When it came to the point where I chose to move back home, over the 5 years I knew him I never asked him for any kind of favour, I asked him to help me move home. I figured I helped this guy so many times over the years the least he could do was help me out this one time. But no. Steve told him some crap about me and he chose to pick a side. When he didn't reply to me I knew right away that he chose a side. He just blatantly ignored me and didn't even say anything to me afterwards. I was pretty offended. Steve doesn't even consider Steve 2 a close friend or anything.

Though, I guess I should've seen it coming. Bros before hoes right? There apparently is some "Korean Code" according to a friend of mine where they'll stick together no matter what. -___-'

At the end of the day here's what it comes down to: You shouldn't be friends with lying people, if they cheat on their partners what makes you think they won't betray you? (Steve of course not Steve 2, story on that another time)

All I can do is wish him the best, I blocked Steve 2 on instagram and on facebook and his phone number as well. There's nothing he could say to me at this point to make me think he's a good friend. Nor, is there anything that needs to be said on my end. The friendship was done the moment he chose to side with Steve and not say anything to me.

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Random Crush?

I can't remember when exactly my staff Christmas party was, I'm pretty sure it was in November. Anyway, I was the designated driver for a few coworkers of mine which sucked but I had to work the next day in the morning -__-' so I couldn't drink that much. I only had a rum and coke. Anyway, for like a month another coworker of mine and I couldn't figure out what to wear lol and were hoping to at least chat with some single guys from work lol.

One of the nurses who came to the party, rarely works at our hospital but works at a much bigger hospital most of the time, he just picks up shifts randomly. He's worked at our hospital for a long time so everybody knows him. He got SO DRUNK at this party which was hilarious but then he randomly comes up to me and my coworker and says: "So! Don't think this is weird or anything, I'm asking everybody... but, nobody brought their girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands or wives, so what's your excuse? Where's your boyfriend?" (he was directly asking me LOL) I told him I was single and he FREAKED OUT.

Later that night he questioned another coworker of mine that works at the same hospital as him now, about my current relationship status, how long I've been single for and if I'm into Asian guys LOL. Her response: "She's only dated an Asian guy for like nearly 6 years, I'm pretty sure she's done with them" lol! He didn't get her joke right away because he was so drunk.

Supposedly he has a friend who is into me... or he could be lying and talking about himself but I don't know!

When we left, I wanted to thank the nurse who invited us lab folk to the party and Allan (drunk nurse) was sitting with her. He looked so frustrated lol and he turns to me and says: "Look, I have a friend, a really stupid friend, who thinks you're nice, cute and pretty but he's too shy to ask you out!" and then he started mumbling other stuff that I couldn't really make out (there was a point in the party where he was dancing and drinking a whole bottle of wine to himself)

Anyway, there is supposedly a guy named Alfred who's into me. BUT I'VE NEVER MET AN ALFRED AT WORK BEFORE. So I don't know if he told my coworker a random name or what but I have no idea who this guy is lol, she knows a guy named Alfred that's Asian and that has worked at our hospital but we don't know if this guy even works there still or not. Alternatively, it could be 2 other guys at work. All I know is, this guy is Asian and there are 2 Asian nurses I've worked with directly one is Anthony, he's pretty cute and he seems nice but I haven't directly talked to him before lol and then there's other Alan... who is so cute! I have like the biggest crush on this guy LOL, I'm really hoping its him but I'm too shy to talk to him more... Here's the thing... he also rarely works at our hospital, he works together with other Allan at the bigger hospital... here's to hoping its him! lol! That would totally make up for last year lol.

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He's leaving...

Steve goes off to depot for a few days. I'm still pissed off at the fact that the RCMP haven't given him a freaking psychological interview, seriously. There are a few things that seem so questionable that he put into his package that would seem like a big red flag for them... excessive force in a previous job, sexual assault... yeah...

Honestly, as much as I wanted him to get a job in policing, he's simply not ready still. He's still young, I would say give him a year or two to work on some things and mature and try to become more independent. He was literally gonna get a tattoo a few days ago, he was dead set on it, he wanted to get a tattoo before depot because after he's done the RCMP have to approve whatever he gets afterwards so... he went to the tattoo shop and they put the tracing thing on him to show him what it would look like on him and he paid a deposit. I seriously know him too well, he told his parents and he didn't end up getting it. His family is super conservative of course they would freak out. So in the end, he lost his $80 deposit because mom and dad said no LOL.

I just get a really bad feeling about him becoming a police officer... based on however many years I've had this blog, I hope some of you can get an idea of what kind of guy he is... and what kind of police officer he will be when he is done depot.

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2017 Plans?

For the past few years I think I wrote, get a drivers license lol. Now that I have that I'm thinking of something simpler... I think I would like to try to run in a marathon but! I would like to have a running buddy if possible lol and NONE of my friends exercise >.<

I have to big vacations in 2017, one in April and one in December and I'm hoping to go back to Asia this year... but I don't know yet.. depends on funds and who is available to come with me lol. Or! I could go to Hawaii again LOL I really miss it there T_T

Oh ya and I'm back at school again, I'm taking prerequisites to get into the nursing program and math starts next week.... I HATE MATH SO MUCH! I really hope I pass...

Anyways, I hope everyone had a great Christmas and New Years!

Realization and Changes

Now that its been a few weeks since Steve and I broke up, I started thinking about the things I didn't like about him and realized he was a pretty shitty boyfriend. Despite what he might think, I'm actually pretty glad I don't have to be with someone so crazy and I won't have to deal with his psychotic sister and his parents.

I think the thing that made me sad the most was that we spent so much time together when we had days off and stuff, so now that I'm single I have to find things to do, either on my own or with friends and I decided to take a few classes (indoor climbing and yoga - will start soon) I didn't realize I lost so many friends while I was dating him because they just didn't like him... I think that's the thing I regret the most.

I did make the mistake of hooking up with him after the break up (Ashley don't kill me LOL) but I think it was because we were just lonely, I hope to god I'm not knocked up... lol.

I sort of realized he made tons of excuses not to do things with me. A few years ago when he applied for the RCMP they asked him what he did to de-stress himself, he didn't really have a way to relieve his stress (besides punching shit whenever he got mad) and they didn't really like his answer so they deferred him for two years. Since then.. he didn't really make an effort to go on dates with me but he seriously made an effort to go drinking with his buddies every chance he got. His excuse was "I need to de-stress" the same excuse whenever he played video games for hours or watching tv/movies. So he really didn't make an effort to go out on dates especially when I wanted to and he really wanted me to understand that he was sooo stressed out all the time and that's why he didn't want to go out for dinner or watch movies or do any activities with me... -__-' and then he says that he felt like we were more like friends with benefits even though HE was the one that made no fucking effort to go out or do anything with me... dodged a bullet there!

Not only that he has rage issues, all my friends even talked to me about it. One time he walked into the doorknob and it hurt him and he got so angry he started punching the door... I was like "WTF ARE YOU DOING?!" and he said "I'm mad at the door" .... yeah... lol, his coworkers talked to me about it once too but he doesn't seem to think that's a problem so... I hope he fixes this before he becomes a police officer. Knowing his buddies, they will vouch for him and not say anything but that's because they really don't know him that well. He really does behave differently around them.

I do worry about him being placed in a position of power and how his family will probably manipulate him as they do now. When his dad got in trouble with the law in Korea his mom pulled some strings to get him out of it, it wouldn't surprise me if he bailed out his family members if they got in trouble here otherwise he would be "selfish" for not thinking about his family as his mom and sister would say.

At one point we talked about getting married/having kids and I was pretty worried because his family values money above anything else and its pretty sad (especially his sister) I brought it up once and said that money really isn't the most important thing and Steve said to me "I hate to break it to you, but money does cause a lot of happiness, if you can't see that then you're blind" -__-' what I mean by this is that, they have to ALWAYS have all the new toys and gadgets, the name brand clothes just to show off and pretend they're rich. Not sure if I mentioned this but when his grandma died and instead of packing and heading off the the airport right away, his mom and Steve went shopping to buy name brand clothes to impress their cousins.... because that's so important! I feel bad for his future children and the generations that will come from his sister.

As for dating again... the ladies at work want me to date one of our coworkers who is also newly single.. But I really don't want to. He's a nice guy and all but I honestly don't think we'll get along or have much in common plus, I don't really want to date somebody in the same department as me because if we broke up - things would get so weird. Anyway, I'm not really thinking of dating someone else right now at least... it'll probably be another month or so before I start even thinking of dating... Unless its this super hot nurse at work LOL I told Steve I would leave him for this nurse HAHAHAH.

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Anyway, I can't remember if I mentioned this in a previous post or not but I'm moving back home. I literally live around the corner from Steve and I really don't want to live here lol. I walk past his house all the time when I go to work and I'm just like FML. He asked me if I was going to move back home and I didn't tell him anything - he doesn't need to know.

Honestly, I'm going home just to save money, I know its going to be hell because my mom is insane. I didn't even tell my parents yet that I'm single... so I'm just going to let it be for now because I can just imagine what my mom would say "I knew he would leave you for someone else" "he left you because you're crazy" shit like that... >.<

I also don't think I mentioned that I bought a car lol so going back home would help me save so much money. I promised myself I would get girlier this summer so let's see how that goes -___-' LOL

Whore ~ lol

Holy crap I am super pissed off.

Steve's mom is such a fucking bitch and so is Steve. We went to the states this past weekend because Steve's mom wanted to steal ideas from popular American restaurants so she can recreate them at her own when she has one. I asked Steve if it was ok to go meet Ashley for a bit since I probably won't see her in the next few months since I have to go to school and he doesn't want to go visit her at Christmas because he wants to spend time with his stupid family and he said ok we can go.

We get up early (wanted to leave by 6:30AM) and she takes forever to get ready (obviously cause she's a prissy bitch) but we end up leaving at 7:30AM because she was taking her sweet ass time. We beat the line up because we went into the duty free to buy water (who knew that worked?) and we got to the premium outlet by 10AM. I thought to myself wow we're making pretty good time! We'll probably get to Ashley's by 11:30AM or 12PM. It took her 4 HOURS to buy two pairs of pants and a shirt, she also bought a Burberry jacket for like $600 but returned it because they have no money. Hmm priorities lol at least she has enough sense to return it.

Apparently his mom thought that I was just going to go Ashley's just to say hi and hang out for like 30 minutes and that we'd be on our way. Umm no, I told you the day before that I wanted to spend time with my sister because I probably won't see her till after Christmas. Then she says "ok we're going to go out for lunch for one hour and when we come back we have to go home" I was like WTF and Steve was no help either, obviously he'd side with his mom because he's whipped and can't start an argument with mom or else the apocalypse will happen if she doesn't get her way. So when we actually got to her place she wasn't fucking home, I figured something like that would happen, I didn't really expect her to sit around and wait for us.

So naturally I was pissed off that they both ganged up on me when I told them in advance that I wanted to spend more than one hour of my time with my sister and because I was pissed off Steve got pissed off and was like "don't feel that way" I'm like fuck off how am I supposed to feel? You're the one who told me that we could go see her and when your stupid dumbass mom decides to spend 4 hours shopping for nothing then that's your fault and you should pay the price instead of someone else.

How the fuck can a family be like this? I am at the end of the rope, I can't fucking handle this drama anymore. They're going to say I'm insane because I want to break up with him for being a selfish narcissist with a Oedipus complex (well its more like his mom is in love with him than he is in love with her) Plus he got a date for his polygraph test with the RCMP. They both just can't understand the term "sharing" the original plan was for her to steal ideas from other restaurants not go shopping at the outlet. Obviously I have no choice in the decisions that they make (which are dumb selfish ones). I still can't believe in the "you must obey anyone older than you" rule, times have changed and its time you learned that the world doesn't revolve around you because your "older" I could wrap my head around the idea if she was you know, more humble and sweet instead of being spoiled and selfish.

I just hope the day will come where their family runs out of money and she has to learn how to live by herself instead of relying on someone else. It bugs me that she wants to go to school and then open a restaurant right after, seems so random and someone else can use that seat int he class. she can't stand the fact that she'll have a manager if she works as a care aide. Hope that she cuts the umbilical cord off of Steve too which probably won't happen because she's a bitch and would just freak the fuck out if he ever had his own life without her.

He always says that when he becomes a cop he won't live with his mom but GET REAL she's going to fucking make up a sob story about how the family is poor and not making money and that he's the bread winner in the family and has to take care of his mom that is aging and that she can't work for a very long time or her body will hurt and that his dad's business is failing or some shit. His sister is piece of work too, miniature version of his mom only with education, its only a matter of time before she gets on their moms level.

I know if he'll eventually become an RCMP officer but he'll eventually fuck it up by helping his mom (or Koreans) out in situations where he shouldn't or his rage/temper will get the best of him and he'll do something stupid without thinking it through that could jeopardize his job. You know what his parents said to him once? Basically its ok to arrest everyone else except Korean people because "they are our kind" its like fuck you, you really want a police officer with parents who instill this type of thought in their kids? ummm no.

Talk about a shitty wife too, his mom blew like $5000 on the dog and she tells her daughter to not tell her husband and she doesn't tell him at all that she blew that much. Obviously he'd be upset, I would be too if my wife spent $5000 and DIDN'T TELL ME, not only that she told Steve the same thing. They keep SO MANY secrets from his dad if I were Korean I would tell him EVERYTHING. I feel bad for his dad, has to be married to a bitch wife and sends her money and she lies to him what she's spending it on.

RANT OVER.
I hope Karma super gets this family.

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