I think the thing that made me sad the most was that we spent so much time together when we had days off and stuff, so now that I'm single I have to find things to do, either on my own or with friends and I decided to take a few classes (indoor climbing and yoga - will start soon) I didn't realize I lost so many friends while I was dating him because they just didn't like him... I think that's the thing I regret the most.
I did make the mistake of hooking up with him after the break up (Ashley don't kill me LOL) but I think it was because we were just lonely, I hope to god I'm not knocked up... lol.
I sort of realized he made tons of excuses not to do things with me. A few years ago when he applied for the RCMP they asked him what he did to de-stress himself, he didn't really have a way to relieve his stress (besides punching shit whenever he got mad) and they didn't really like his answer so they deferred him for two years. Since then.. he didn't really make an effort to go on dates with me but he seriously made an effort to go drinking with his buddies every chance he got. His excuse was "I need to de-stress" the same excuse whenever he played video games for hours or watching tv/movies. So he really didn't make an effort to go out on dates especially when I wanted to and he really wanted me to understand that he was sooo stressed out all the time and that's why he didn't want to go out for dinner or watch movies or do any activities with me... -__-' and then he says that he felt like we were more like friends with benefits even though HE was the one that made no fucking effort to go out or do anything with me... dodged a bullet there!
Not only that he has rage issues, all my friends even talked to me about it. One time he walked into the doorknob and it hurt him and he got so angry he started punching the door... I was like "WTF ARE YOU DOING?!" and he said "I'm mad at the door" .... yeah... lol, his coworkers talked to me about it once too but he doesn't seem to think that's a problem so... I hope he fixes this before he becomes a police officer. Knowing his buddies, they will vouch for him and not say anything but that's because they really don't know him that well. He really does behave differently around them.
I do worry about him being placed in a position of power and how his family will probably manipulate him as they do now. When his dad got in trouble with the law in Korea his mom pulled some strings to get him out of it, it wouldn't surprise me if he bailed out his family members if they got in trouble here otherwise he would be "selfish" for not thinking about his family as his mom and sister would say.
At one point we talked about getting married/having kids and I was pretty worried because his family values money above anything else and its pretty sad (especially his sister) I brought it up once and said that money really isn't the most important thing and Steve said to me "I hate to break it to you, but money does cause a lot of happiness, if you can't see that then you're blind" -__-' what I mean by this is that, they have to ALWAYS have all the new toys and gadgets, the name brand clothes just to show off and pretend they're rich. Not sure if I mentioned this but when his grandma died and instead of packing and heading off the the airport right away, his mom and Steve went shopping to buy name brand clothes to impress their cousins.... because that's so important! I feel bad for his future children and the generations that will come from his sister.
As for dating again... the ladies at work want me to date one of our coworkers who is also newly single.. But I really don't want to. He's a nice guy and all but I honestly don't think we'll get along or have much in common plus, I don't really want to date somebody in the same department as me because if we broke up - things would get so weird. Anyway, I'm not really thinking of dating someone else right now at least... it'll probably be another month or so before I start even thinking of dating... Unless its this super hot nurse at work LOL I told Steve I would leave him for this nurse HAHAHAH.
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Anyway, I can't remember if I mentioned this in a previous post or not but I'm moving back home. I literally live around the corner from Steve and I really don't want to live here lol. I walk past his house all the time when I go to work and I'm just like FML. He asked me if I was going to move back home and I didn't tell him anything - he doesn't need to know.
Honestly, I'm going home just to save money, I know its going to be hell because my mom is insane. I didn't even tell my parents yet that I'm single... so I'm just going to let it be for now because I can just imagine what my mom would say "I knew he would leave you for someone else" "he left you because you're crazy" shit like that... >.<
I also don't think I mentioned that I bought a car lol so going back home would help me save so much money. I promised myself I would get girlier this summer so let's see how that goes -___-' LOL
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